2012 in review

 

I wonder if I should be considered a superficial person for caring so much about "stupid" things, or brave for admiting it.

Christmas morning

 

"But still... I wonder if there's any food left for lunch..."

Ps.: What do you think is inside that gift Miss Little Claws gave Niazinha? I place my bet on dead bird.

Christmas tree

 

That's a good idea for those people that hate taking down the Christmas tree (everyone, really): just roll it around and pretend it's a decorative pine until next Christmas.

Dreaming


What do you guys think is happening on my dream with the great elvish warrior Nia-ha and her loyal adventure companion Lady Claws?

Cap

 

I once travelled to New York and bought a beige cap there - one of those touristy ones with the name of the city in it. Two years later, I went to study in a small city in Spain called Salamanca. There I found in a souvernir shop a cap EXACTLY like mine, only it was red and with the name Salamanca in it. Wow! Those chinese souvenir producers are surely gonna rule the world one day.

Hummingbird

 

Don't believe me? Here:
 

Moms and clothes


"C'mon, mom, my shirt looks brand new! Who cares if I bought it in 1997? Do you think the people on the streets are gonna try a carbon-14 test on it to determine the age of the linen or what?!"

Ob.: Yes, I swear my mother tells me to wear shorter skirts, not longer ones.

Microwave

 

I once heated up my lasanga and saw some black dots marching away from one my it's boiling corners. I'm pretty sure they were tiny Uruk-hai with the mission of expanding Sauron's domains to the lands of the small ice giants (?). Seems like the battle endend in a tie, since the middle of my lasagna stayed colder than the Grinch's heart.

Lemon

 

Author's note: I know it's already pretty obvious, but I'll say it again anyway. Here in Brazil, the most common kind of lemon is the green one, and the yellow one is quite rare.

Haircut

 

And tha's why I have been using the same haircut for the past 10 years.

Moooooom!

 

At least we live in a house. If we shouted like that in a flat, I would have to leave my house everyday wearing a bulletproof vest.

Sneezes and moms


Everything out of the ordinary that I do she thinks I'm dying with a random sickness. The only thing that never changes is that, according to her, the blame is always on spending too much time on the computer.

Breakfast

 

Author's note: Yes, it's not very common to eat things like eggs and bacon here for breakfast. In fact, I think most people don't really care about breakfast at all here. It's usually something like butter, bread and coffe, and that's it.

Chocolates

 

As I said, the image is based on a famous chocolate here in Brazil, Bis. I don't wanna brag, but it's like the best treat in the world. It's like Kitkat, but better. Anyway, you can just mentally replace it in your mind and I'm sure the comic you'll work for you too.

Mustache

 

The other day I think I met the first woman whose mustache was actually visible from the moon. It was almost impossible to tear my eyes away from it.

Moon

 

Bunny on the moon? Don´t make me laugh. If you zoom in 120x you'll find that it's really a giant trollface.

Mosquitoes

 

I don't know if those rackets are common in your countries, but here you can find them everywere. In fact, I spend so much time killing mosquitoes with one that I'm actually considering putting it on my resumé.

Toys

 

 I guess that on those days there were fewer people on the midia trying to tell me who to be and what to like, and even fewer people on the internet trying to condemn me for my tastes.

Robin Hood

 

Would it be wrong if we were just taking back what was ours to begin with?

Movies at home

 

And if you insist on watching through the end, you sleep at various points and the plotline ends up having lots of empty holes with what you don't remember. Then you need to start a journey full of blood and professional assassins to try to fill those blank holes in your memory. Wait, is that what that Bourne movie was really about? I'm not sure, I fell asleep during the end.

Lil' Monkey

 

I went to the zoo the other day and spent a lot of time watching the monkeys play around. Suddenly, one of them found a banana lying aroun and decided to eat it. Instead of peeling if off like we do, "leaf" by "leaf", he only peeled off one small "leaf" of it. Then, like he was opening a book, he "opened" the banana and pushed it's insides out, easily removing it in one movement. It was a humiliating day, because I realised that there are monkeys out there that are smarter than me.

Blackout


It´s a blackout. "Dammit!". You enter a room in your house. You try to turn on the lights. "Oh, dammit!". Repeat this 27 times, or until the lights are back.

Cat perspective

 

Now I know why she's always rubbing herself against my shins: she's trying to polish the metal which she thinks is the material of my body.

Underwater

 

It's just like flying... but on water! *-*

Sneeze

 

Niazinha sneezed so hard that she actually grew feet.

(And yes, she does seem to have that super power of sneezing with her eyes open!)

Sticky music

 

Enjoy: 

I'd really like to write here my usual comment about the comic, but I simply can't stop singing Gangnam Style. HEEEEY, sexy lady!

About the song at the beginning: you may not realise, but you do know it. Check it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNWpZ-Y_KvU

Hot days

 

Sometimes I wonder how life would be like if there were no air conditioners in my extremely hot country. Would the world be a worse place with all the unconfortable heat, or would it be better place with the desperate need to take cooling measures like planting more trees, going to the beach/pool and polluting less? OMG, I think I just created a new dilema for humanity. I'll leave that for the philosophers out there.

Plastic bottle

 

I think that now, somewhere in this country, there is a team of evil package designers sitting together on a bar drinking beer, earting peanuts and laughting at the latest pranks they've been playing on their costumers.

Concentration

 

"Has it always been this beautiful color? I thought it was more whiteish. But I think it's better this way. Stains on a white wall stand out too much. Hm, but there's a stain there too, on the yellow wall. I'll just try to clean it up with some water. Ok, water is not working, I'll try some soap. Geez, this yellow color looks pretty weird when wet. I think it's better if I paint it white, after all. But I'll call the painter tomorrow, now it's too late. Time to sleep."

Mouth wash

 

Author's note: I don't know if they are the same way in your country, but here where I live people think that, if the mouth wash is not painful, it's not really cleaning anything. So companies fill them with alcohol and stuff to make it sting. I least that's what I've heard.

Eyebrows

 

It's even worse when you have to talk to someone that actually has a monobrow, and you just can't take your eyes off of that small persian cat's tail over their eyes. Indeed, it brings you delightful memories of your childhood, when you used to poke with a stick that hairy caterpillar that was always crawling on your grandmother's garden floor.

Buying shampoo

 

Since this blog is about being honest about our most disturbing thoughts and the weird places of our imagination, I can't deny the fact that I frequently feel like doing the "me gusta" face in real life. It's such a shame that it's humanly impossible.

1 year of How I really

 

I really wish I could fit in this image all the awesome and beautiful messages I recieved from you guys through this first year, but I fear that the internet of the whole world would not be able to handle such a gigantic jpeg with so many cute and lovable things (and that's huge, considering the amount of cat sites on the web...).

THANK YOU, thank you SO MUCH for all your support, guys! Even though How I really is mostly a brazilian website, I've recieved inumerous messages from people all over the world, and in different languages too, and they made me SO happy that I simply can't discribe it.

But I'm not only grateful for those messages, no. I thank you for EVERYTHING you've done to support me: commenting, laughing, liking, tweeting, EVERYTHING. It made a huge difference for me, and I'm really, really grateful.

THANK YOU!

Talking on phones

 

Maybe that's because of people like me - that lose 80 IQ points while talking on the phone - that telemarketing campaigns work so well nowadays. Add that to the pressure of the classic "you have just been given a humongous discount, but only if you buy NOW", and I get so stupid that in just a few days I recieve at home my new green grape automatic peeler that also works as a usb blu-ray screen for the microwave window or a artificial localized tanning device (??).
 

Male audience

 

I don't know why people care so much about her feet. I mean, she's just a silly drawing! I mean, if they want to complain, why is it ALWAYS about the feet, and not stuff like "Omg, she only has one shoulder" or "Wow, her head is bigger than her whole body"?

Pizza delivery

 

Do you want to attract someone? No need for love potions or massive work-out. Just post on Facebook that you ordered a pizza and in a few minutes all people with whom you talked over the past two years will be at your door "by coincidence".

Smart words


Then you realise you don't even know how to explaing what that word means and you go back to feeling like your same old normal self.

Shampoo


Ok, back in my days we used to make mohawks in the shower and feel like punks. Today kids probably feel like football (soccer) players like Beckham.

New clothes


Then he says "What a nice shirt!" before he even opens the package. 

I don't know if it's father's day today where you guys live, but happy father's day to all the dads out there anyway!

Pet photos


Really, there're some flash photos of my pets that they're eyes are glowing so evilish and scary that I feel a certain urge to send those pictures to Tim Burton for inspiration.

Cold days


Humans are very confused creatures. We always forget to value something we already have until we lose it. When I'm in a confortable and heated enviroment, I completly forget how important it is to fell warm and I choose light clothes, only to freeze later and desperatly crave for my heat back. I'll stop writing now to think about all the things I have right now that I should be thankfull for.

(Sorry, my comment was not funny...)

Pet nicknames


I find it very ironic that all my family has this master skill for creating pet nicknames, but when it cames to real pet names, we have none! I mean, do you know what was the name of my last male cat, that for five long years shared numerous happy and sad moments with the other members of my household? ...Cat. His name was Cat.

Communication


Author's note: That phrase the japanese man and the french girl are saying on the first scene is the same, and it has no particular meaning whatsoever. I just used it because I think it sounds funny in portuguese. It's actually something that Ed says a lot in the cartoon Ed, Edd and Eddy.

Losing weight


See how our ineptitude to lose weight is actually a good thing? If it was easy, we would have to buy new clothes a lot! Ours wallets thank us. :D

Cages


And the worst part of it is that even if I did free it, I don't even know if it would be able to survive in the open  world anymore. So I have to stay in this grey area between feeling pity and feeling powerless. 

Late effect


Some people say that the new generations have no power of concentration. That's totally not true, they only have selective concentration. C'mon, if having the power to completly block out the universe to concentrate exclusively on watching a Youtube video of a cat tripping on the floor is not concentrating, I frankly don't know what it is.

Lego


But that's not enough for Murphy yet: that little Lego piece on which you impales your feet's flesh is exactly the same you've been looking for half an hour on the Lego box.

Winter break


Author's note: In my country, our winter break is on July. It is known for being very short. 

Winter


I remember like it was yesterday the day that my school uniform coat got ripped at my wrist, and my thumb slipped thrugh the tiny hole. My palms got so warm and confortable that I cut the other wrist of the coat to make another fake glove. I looked like a homeless person from New York, but I was a very warm and confortable homeless.